I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
