I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
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