Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I hate all girls vehemently.
i think my tv is drunk
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
