He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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