I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
