I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
