My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
It's blow job season.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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