The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
