So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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