better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
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