where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
she peed on how many people?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
