This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
