Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
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