My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i think my mom watched the whole time
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
