I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Farmville is her only friend.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
