You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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