I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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