I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
