The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
