That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
