he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize