haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
