I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
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