you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Randomize
