We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
The air was thick with penises
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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