Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize