when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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