hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
