yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
