508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Everclear isn't food dammit
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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