Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
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It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
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I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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