so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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