Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Randomize
