Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Randomize
