need another drink. this is the easiest way
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Sorry my hands just texted you
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
