Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
