party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
