Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize