Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
