Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
