my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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