I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
this beer tastes like vomit already
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
