After last night, I could never be a politician.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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