I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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