Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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