at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
