I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
