You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Randomize
