Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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