Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
as a side note pls kill me
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
