I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
