no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
