Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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