you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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