Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I think a kid would responsible me up
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
