I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
