hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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