I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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