are you still at the devil's house?
Me too!
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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