Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize