I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
