they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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