I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
We have so much sex to catch up on
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
