I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
