Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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