hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
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