Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
