How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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