Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
