I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
