You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
worst night to have a conscience
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
